Empowered

Ready for the understatement of the day? This campus will forever hold a special place in my heart. 

Sitting here now, watching the sun set in glowing colors and listening to the sounds of the fountain, the leaves are rustling in the soft wind and my heart is bursting with gratitude and reminiscent feelings. A deep breath in, rushes a flood of emotions and memories that I hold most dear. I find it hard to hold back tears.

Day after day, night after night, who I am and what I believe has been shaped and challenged in this place. Through core meetings with blindfolds and mirrors and dresses, classes with lively debates and discussions, chapel services with dangerous prayers and the powerful word of God going forth to my heart, not returning void. Through events with paintball guns and interactive movies, fasting and prayer, mud and sweat, worn running shoes and burning calves. Through quiet times that ranged from mountaintop beauty to valley despair. 

Oh, God! You are so Good. Divine. Providential. Loving. Faithful. Teaching. Guarding.

Countless times, I have experienced You here. Encountered Your heart. Heard Your voice. Obeyed Your commands. Tasted Your rewards. Neglected Your wisdom. Unwisely and Unsuccessfully avoided Your discipline. Seen Your hand. Trusted Your ways. Loved Your presence.

If only I could put this feeling in a bottle. This beating of my heart into an automatic rhythm. This smell into a candle. This painting perfectly into my mind’s eye. The wonder of this place into my pocket, to carry with me always.

Here, I have learned valuable lessons that I sometimes forget or take for granted. I learned to persevere. I learned to love in actions and truth. I learned to work hard and long - and for my Master, rather than men. I learned to lead. I learned to trust. I learned to humble myself, unafraid of admitting my shortcomings. I learned to truly believe in and rely on grace. I learned to cease striving. I learned to speak, the value of my voice and my words. I learned to be okay with not being liked. I learned to confront sin out of a zealousness for a holy Bride. I learned to deny myself sleep for the sake of another’s soul. I learned to deny myself comforts for the sake of another’s heart. I learned to serve and love without expectation of receiving in return. I learned to rest in the truth of who I am, letting go of insecurities and lies plaguing my identity. I learned to trust the Lord for the victory, knowing my own strength is insufficient. I learned to believe I am loved and desired, surrendering in unending battles of worth and acceptance.

Simply by pausing on this bench, thinking back over all of these things, pondering the culmination of every life-changing experience I have had on this campus -- I am empowered to be this woman. A woman of God. I am no longer a girl. I am no longer unsure and unsteady. I am no longer confused and searching for my role. I am no longer longing for man’s approval and desperately wondering if I will ever be good enough. I am no longer afraid to open my mouth and speak truth to those who want to hear it, and those who don’t. I am no longer lonely and empty, He has satisfied me with His promise to never abandon me. You see, above all else, this place is beautiful simply because the Lord has walked by my side, holding my hand, guiding me, singing and dancing over me, building a reservoir of memories of us. Our relationship. Our love. Our adventure. 

It’s only just begun.